so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This baby is an asshole
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
