Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is the high leading the old right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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