i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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