Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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