I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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