im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want to have your abortion
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
