Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize