Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
