Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
