I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
