Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize