VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Randomize
