i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
