I faked an abortion last night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
