If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
