You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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