i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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