when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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