I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
