he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
