And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
