the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
