Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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