So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
