I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
