If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
