i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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