and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
