sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
