i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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