I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
