You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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