just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
