I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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