Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
