So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
