Tell her she can't have a vagina
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
