definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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