Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
