where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so that wasnt chicken after all
I smell stomach acid.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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