i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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