Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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