Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
