This is not my ceiling
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
