She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
