Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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