you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
