hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
