I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
