she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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