He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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