you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
