I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
