i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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