no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
