So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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