Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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