OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
