he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
