dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
no, he came in my armpit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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