wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
