The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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