What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
