my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
