I showed him my bush... on skype.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
