strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
