after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize