Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
